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The Hack Attack – Extract

A Black Library Publication

eBook license

The Hack Attack

Matt Forbeck

‘Welcome, Blood Bowl fans, to a special live edition of Where Are They Now?’ the grinning vampire said on the crystal ball as it flickered to life. ‘The top-ranked Cabalvision show that digs deep into the past of the Old World’s favourite game to discover whatever happened to the Blood Bowl legends of yore! At least the ones that didn’t die on the pitch!’

The vampire arched his pointed eyebrows over his circular sunglasses, the dark lenses of which resembled the empty ends of a double-barrelled shotgun. ‘I’m Jim Johnson, and this drooling antique next to me is a legend in his own right, Bob Bifford!’

‘That’s right, Jim!’ bellowed a massive, stitched-together sack of athletic flesh long since gone to seed. ‘I am a legend – at least that’s what your wife calls me!’

‘How’s she doing these days?’ the vampire said to the ogre, a wicked glint in his eye. ‘I haven’t seen her since she went out for a nice, thick steak the other day and never came back!’

‘I think she meant “stake,” Jim! Maybe she’s the victim of homicide by homonym!’

The vampire gave the ageing ogre a rueful chuckle. ‘That’s a lot of syllables for you to string together all at once, big guy! Don’t hurt yourself! Hey, wait! I think those were the last words I told my wife!’

‘Speaking of Where Are They Now?’ the battle-scarred ogre said, turning back to the topic at hand. ‘With some of the teams we focus on, we have to dig deeper than others. Those undead teams have a habit of digging their way back up from wherever anybody buries them!’

‘But that’s not the case with tonight’s team. We’re turning the spotlight on one of the greatest teams of the recent past, the Bad Bay Hackers!’

‘That’s right, Jim! The Hackers were more like a pack of losers up until a dozen years ago when Coach Captain “Pegleg” Haken made the best investment of his life and hired rookie Dunk Hoffnung as his starting chucker.’

‘The team rocketed out of obscurity after that, climbing up the rankings until they pulled off a nearly unheard-of feat – winning back-to-back Blood Bowl championships!’

‘The wildest thing about those championship Hackers is that many of them survived! Can you guess how?’ The vampire turned to the ogre, who hesitated as if he’d been asked to count past two while wearing mittens.

‘Well, Bob, there are really only two ways out of a Blood Bowl team – death or retirement! Since I watched all those games back then, I’m going with retirement.’

‘Right you are! There are different ways to retire from Blood Bowl though. The most common way involves eating most of your meals through a straw for the rest of your life!’

‘I have a feeling a vampire like you would like that!’

‘It depends where I get to put the straw!’

‘But most of the Hackers didn’t wind up being cared for by a full-time nursing staff. Well, except for Hackers linebacker Schlechtes Getrunken, but that was self-inflicted. After the Hackers won their second championship, he drowned in a vat of Killer Genuine Draft!’

‘I hear his teammates pulled him out three times, but he kept jumping back in! They couldn’t stop him until after he’d stopped breathing!’

‘Well, let’s check in with one of the surviving players who hasn’t retired yet. None other than Dirk Heldmann himself!’

‘Dirk started out as a blitzer for the Reikland Reavers, but when his older brother Dunk Hoffnung joined the Hackers, it seemed like it was only a matter of time before Dirk joined him over there. Now he’s moved up to become team captain of the Hackers himself!’

‘That’s right, Bob,’ Dirk said as the image on the crystal ball drew back to show him sitting at the announcers’ desk with the vampire and ogre.

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A Black Library Publication

Published in 2017 by Black Library, Games Workshop Ltd, Willow Road, Nottingham, NG7 2WS, UK.

Produced by Games Workshop in Nottingham.
Cover illustration by Wayne England.

The Hack Attack © Copyright Games Workshop Limited 2017. The Hack Attack, GW, Games Workshop, Black Library, Blood Bowl, Warhammer, Warhammer Age of Sigmar, Stormcast Eternals, and all associated logos, illustrations, images, names, creatures, races, vehicles, locations, weapons, characters, and the distinctive likenesses thereof, are either ® or TM, and/or © Games Workshop Limited, variably registered around the world.
All Rights Reserved.

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ISBN: 978-1-78572-655-2

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